


If we could see the stars together

by moulin



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Hyunjin is like 25-26 and the girl's age difference is the same, a very bad person died yay, also tw for non-consensual sexual relationship that is not explicit, example Jinsoul is 28-29, im making it more scary than it is in the tags..., im not that nasty, its set in the late 80s-early 90s, or get offended easily, pls don't read if you have a fragile soul, tw for abuse, watch out this is FULL OF ANGST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 03:36:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20771882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moulin/pseuds/moulin
Summary: Hyunjin regretted her choice, but in the end, she gained from her loss





	If we could see the stars together

**Author's Note:**

> Yo guys it's just something I wrote in a couple of days. TW you know what you're gonna read at one point if you read the tags, but it's only mentioned for like 2 lines, not described.
> 
> I did my best to correct it all.

It was raining hard like the sky wanted to mock her. The dark grey clouds poured their tears over the city, trapping people inside their houses. Some would watch some television under blankets, some would play card games with their family while others would continue to work and bring an umbrella to walk to the metro station.

For her part, Hyunjin was in a cab, heading to a funeral home. She wasn’t feeling sad at all, so why was the weather against her?

She looked out the window, bored as always. Outside, many more cars drove by her side, and people walked around with raincoats on. Flashes of yellow, red and green contrasted with the grey of the city.

Hyunjin sighed. She didn’t want to go, she had no reason to. Heejin insisted, told her it was important. She ended up leaving, but not with a smile.

“It’s a weekend trip, you’ll be back soon enough. Your sister needs you there.”

Hyunjin hated her hometown. Nothing good ever came out of it. The people were rotten and took advantage of anyone. Even the storekeepers were crooks. As a kid, Hyunjin learns to raise her guard and to protect herself and her sister. They were the only two in the world that mattered. Yerim wasn’t strong enough to defend herself.

The cab drove by her old house and she looked to the other side of the street, trying to control the sudden chill running down her spine.

Hyunjin hated her family. Her cousins were horrible brats that bullied her, and her grandparents hadn’t spoken to her since she moved in with Heejin. Worse than that, Hyunjin hated her parents.

Her father always wanted a son and made sure to make it clear, even when choosing her name. She was forced to have short hair all her childhood and physically trained with the man. Hyunjin still had a scar from when he slammed her against her bedroom wall. That night, she had come back with bruises from a fight with Ha Sooyoung’s gang. He wasn’t happy she tarnished the family name.

Going to her father’s funeral was the last thing she wanted to do, but here she was, getting out of the cab and walking to the building where the ethereal corpse was exposed for every hypocrite to see.

She clutched the umbrella handle and rapidly jogged to the entrance. She had made an effort to wear a black dress and straightened her hair. Her long hair.

They all knew her father was a monster, but they still gave him the attention he didn’t deserve. Hyunjin could hear the faint cries from her mother, the disapproving sound her aunt made with her tongue. She could see her teachers avoiding his gaze and ignoring the bruises on her body.

Hyunjin couldn’t help but resent her sister. Yerim had it easy, being the baby of the family. Their father never cared about her, the only times he would even speak to her was when he would come back late at night from the bar and went in her room. Hyunjin would silently stick her ear to the door, trying to hear compliments and sweet nicknames he had never directed at her.

Her sister was the perfect little princess her family needed. She left their home first to study in science. Her boyfriend was the school’s team quarterback. She was polite, friendly and had a skin clear of marks.

Everything Hyunjin wasn’t.

The door of the building was more massive than she thought it would be, but she used her body to push back and entered the carpeted lobby, shaking her umbrella. A man was sitting behind a counter, looking at a computer screen while biting his nails.

“Where’s M. Kim’s room?”

The man jumped in his seat, but quickly pointed to his right and said “Room A1”. Hyunjin nodded and walked in the direction, inhaling loudly.

Curse her and her incapability of refusing anything to Heejin! Even Chaewon seemed surprised that she was going, but was also convinced in the end.

The woman stopped in front of the closed double-doors. It would be a shock for her family to see that she actually showed up. Last time she saw them, she had short hair, boy clothes and was barely an adult. None of them had wondered how she was doing, where she was staying. No one cared that she was homeless for a while. They all asked about Yerim, though.

She pushed a door and stepped in, taking in her surroundings. In the middle, rows of chairs were lined, leaving only a corridor for people to walk to the coffin. She could see the dead man’s head popping out a bit, surrounded by two or three old women with their faces buried in their hands.

To her left, a group of adults were quietly speaking to each other and exchanging handshakes. Among them, she saw Kim Jungeun and Kim Jiwoo, two of her cousins. They had become beautiful women, that was certain. Hyunjin never doubted it, even when they mocked her and whispered lies about her to their parents, that would whisper them to their friends, who would eventually whisper them to her mother.

To her right, her last creator was greeting entering guest and collecting condolences like they were diamonds, carefully crafting her face to create a fabulous lie. Her grandparents were seated at her side, nodding at people they never even seen before. Hyunjin saw the local real estate agent, M. Ha, taking her mother’s hand and lowering his head.

The amount of fake everything made her want to puke. That man and her father were notorious for fighting at the bar and were worst enemies. Their families had always hated each other, making their kids fight battles they didn’t understand. His daughter Sooyoung was at his side, and she looked disgusted to be here. Hyunjin could only agree.

After looking around for a few seconds, Hyunjin had to accept that her sister wasn’t here. She had come here all this way from the capital for her, and she didn’t even show up? She indeed was a horrible person.

Ha Sooyoung walked away from the rest of her family and their gazes locked, freezing them on the spot. Unfortunately, the older was quicker to get to her.

“My condolences, Hyunjin. Your father was a great man.”

“Spare me the lies, Ha. We both hated him as much as everybody in this room,” she spat back, taking a step back.

“Finally, someone that agrees with me! You know, I was sure you weren’t going to come, seeing how he… treated you. Maybe you hated him less than you hate me.”

“I never hated you.”

The statement felt wrong, but the two women both knew it was true. They never found anything to hate about the other, other than their own fathers. Sooyoung nodded at her and walked away, mixing among the crowd of other memories in Hyunjin’s life, none of them taking the time to ask about the other’s presence.

Jung Jinsoul was the next person that found her.

“Well well, who do we have here?” She asked with a smirk, pausing between every word. “Your old lady kept saying that you would never show up, but turns out the other one bailed instead!”

“What do you want, Jinsoul?”

Her face twisted into an ugly stare, and the other woman tensed her jaw.

“Try that again?”

She grabbed the collar of her dress in an attempt to push her back, but Hyunjin had grown from her weak 7th-grade self. She grabbed the older woman’s wrist and twisted it enough for her to yelp and let go. Hyunjin pushed her old bully back and took a step forward, effectively planting her heel on Jinsoul’s foot.

“You try that again, and I will show you that this funeral home will be your last destination.”

She stepped off, and Jinsoul skipped away on one leg, cursing out loud.

Hyunjin inhaled sharply to try to calm her erratic heartbeat. She had been afraid of that girl for her entire life, but finally facing her wasn’t as bad as she thought. Jung Jinsoul was just the punk that got ignored at home, the reason her parents divorced, the reason her father died in the war, the reason her mother passed away at the age of 34.

After ten minutes of sitting down, Hyunjin realized that the only person she didn’t hate in this room was Yeojin. Her parents were the bar owners, maybe the only good people in this shit town. She and her older sister were always kind to everyone, even to her. Haseul even tutored her when she was failing math. Yeojin was probably there to bring a list of unpaid drinks her father owed them. Yeojin was the annoyingly loud and funny kid in high school but seeing her now as a grown woman worried her. Hyunjin hoped she would get out of here before she got stuck for good.

At one point, Hyunjin got tired of waiting for the show to begin. She walked to the front and yanked the mic away from the man holding it.

“Hello people, welcome to my father’s funerals. Can you all go to your seats so it can begin? I’ve been waiting for half-an-hour already. Thank you.”

She shoved the mic back to the man and stood at the front, observing everybody’s reactions.

Her mother’s face was absolutely the best. It was clear she had expected Yerim to be in her place, not the child she had forgotten about. Her cousins were frozen, their eyes widened to the max, and their jaws slacked. It was almost comical. The whole room fell silent, and slowly, everyone sat on a chair. Her mother came to the front and grabbed her wrist, squeezing it.

“Where is Yerim?”

“I’m back, mother. Have you missed me?”

The woman ignored her question and quickly turned to the guest, as if she could even call them that. More like spectators.

But the show was boring. Everybody kept whispering among themselves while her mother talked, pointing out how Yerim was absent and that the disgraced child was back. Hyunjin wasn’t here to stay, that was for sure. She didn’t wave when everybody left, nor did she shake the hand Wong Vivi gave her. The other took a step back and glared at her before leaving. Hyunjin had no desire to acknowledge the presence of her old teacher.

Her mother didn’t say a word as she collected her coat from a chair and left without a goodbye. She hadn’t come here for her.

It had stopped raining outside as if it was the tension in her stomach that had left after the whole ordeal. She had called a taxi and was waiting for it when an old car stopped in front of her.

A woman she knew well came out of the driver seat and greeted her kindly.

“How do you do, Hyunjin?”

“I’m well, Hyejoo.”

“I heard for your father. Good riddance.”

Hyunjin chuckled. That woman always knew what to say. They had known each other since they were children. She was her sister’s best friend and would invite them both to her house when she felt they needed some time off.

Hyejoo would never come to her father’s funerals for fun. Hyunjin’s suspicions were confirmed when she saw another woman step out from the car. Her hair had regained their natural colour, but that was the only decent thing about her appearance. She was wearing a bright pink dress shirt with a jean jacket over, and she had dark bags under her eyes.

Yerim. Hyunjin clenched her teeth and rose her chin up slightly.

“You missed the ceremony. Mother is the only person left inside.”

“I’m not sorry. I just feel bad you went alone.”

The words slurred in her mouth, as if she had been drinking. She stumbled a bit, but she hung onto the car and regained her balance. Hyunjin couldn’t help but worry a little bit.

“What happened to you?”

“I don’t think it’s a good-“Hyejoo answered, but Yerim’s high pitched laughter stopped her mid-way.

“I drank to his passing! The Devil is gone, we can finally sin!”

“What are you rambling on about? You have nothing to celebrate!”

Hyunjin tried to control the level of her voice, but her anger kept rising, fuelled by the stupidity of her sister.

“You were always the favourite, the only one he was nice too, the normal one! You never had to worry about anything, you never had to fight or run for your life! Why did I have to replace you today? I came here for YOU! Showing up was your only job!”

Hyejoo placed her hand on her arm, and the woman took a gulp of air, trying to control her breathing. She hadn’t noticed that her nails were digging in her palms, creating small cuts that dripped blood. Yerim had stopped smiling, at least. With a swift motion almost impossible to execute in her state, she twirled Hyunjin around and pushed her on the car door, holding her shoulder with one hand.

Hyunjin didn’t have time to react before Yerim slammed her other hand on her collarbone, slamming her body unto the metal.

“You were so blinded by your own pain that you never saw what he did to me, what they all did to me.”

“I was the one to come back home with new bruises and scars every day! What do you have to whine about?” Hyunjin countered, trying to get up from her leaning position.

“What do you think he was doing when he came into my room at night, after his weekly drinking nights, huh?”

Yerim pushed her back, tightening her grip around her shoulders. Hyunjin winced in pain.

“What do you think mother did when she realized he liked me more than her? They hid everything from you and from the world. You were the one attracting attention. No one ever wondered if I went through the same shit like you!”

Hyejoo was standing to the side, looking at the ground. The sisters hadn’t talked in what seemed like 10 years, and the unresolved tension would finally vanish for good. All they needed was to talk it out.

“Every single one of those nights, I would roll in a ball on my bed, wishing he was too tired to come to lay with me. I would hide under my bed, behind the curtains, but he would always find me, laughing like it was a game. Being a child never crossed his mind as an obstacle. Some nights I would run away, but these were the nights he would get angry at you and hit you. I did it three times, then stopped. I couldn’t let him do that to you.”

Hyunjin’s breathing had only accelerated, turning erratic after her confession. She wanted to say something, anything. _I’m sorry. _

“Mother made me take extra lessons every day to try to keep me away from her. She made me join any club in school so she could have father for herself, but even then, it didn’t work. She would feed me the least, but you never noticed, did you? How tiny and thin I was, during all those years. Hyejoo had to steal food from her parents to give to me!”

Yerim locked her gaze with hers, and Hyunjin finally saw all those emotions her sister never showed. She could see the pain, the trauma, the anger, the disgust she felt. She let her go, and Hyunjin slowly stepped away from the car. She didn’t notice the tears rolling down her cheeks. Yerim wasn’t saying anything, but tears also streamed on her face.

She was right. Hyunjin never knew.

“I’m sorry,” she managed to choke out. “I’m sorry about everything, Yerim. I acted like an idiot for so many years.”

Yerim didn’t say anything, but she lowered her gaze to her hands.

“I wish I could go back in time to kill him earlier. I don’t care about the electric chair, as long as that man would never touch you again.”

“Don’t say that.”

Hyunjin tensed at the contact of her sister, but she slowly let the other hug her properly. She let her head rest onto her shoulder and sighed.

Hyejoo smiled from where she was standing, but it fell when she noticed the women’s mother. She stood a few feet away from her and observed the scene, shock and disgust mixing together on her face. None of them moved, though.

“Why did you come if you didn’t want to see him?” Hyunjin asked, rubbing the tears off her face.

“Hyejoo forced me. She said she felt that I needed to go. Can we drive you somewhere?”

“No, a cab is coming, but thank you.”

“Alright. Say hi to Heejin for me, will you?”

“I will.”

Yerim nodded and squeezed her hand one last time before getting in the car again. Hyejoo followed and started the engine.

Hyunjin felt a rush of panic. She couldn't let her sister vanish after they had just reunited. She ran to the window and cleared her throat.

“Do you have a telephone number?”

The two women smiled, and the sisters exchanged numbers. Hyunjin made sure to write it on her hand. Without sparing a glance at their mother, Yerim left. The eldest didn’t wait for long before her cab rolled down the driveway. As Hyunjin closed the door, she heard her mother call her name.

“You look prettier with long hair, Hyunjin.”

“To the metro station, please.”

The grey cloud had vanished from the sky, clearing up a blue field for the sun to shine in. The umbrellas were closed, and children jumped into puddles, laughing happily as the water splashed around them. The din of the city seemed fuzzy in her ears, and her small smile, directed at nothing in particular, sent a warm wave all through her body.

She couldn’t wait to go home to Heejin and to set the phone number on their fridge.


End file.
